An extrovert on retreat
Retreats are important to me but not something I find easy. The thought of sitting down in peace and quiet with a good book with space to pray or just be will fill many with joy but for me it's more like dread... as an extrovert I often find being on retreat alongside others is really helpful as even if I'm being quiet there are still people there! It's been a privilege for the past few years to be partly responsible for our district ministers retreat, although being on the organising side means you don't engage with it in the fullest sense either.
Choosing to go to Reflections Garden Hermitage was something I 'stumbled to' in many ways, I knew of it and had been on a quiet day led by Chris Pohill at some point in the past, I knew of the gardens Chris and John had created and Chris' writing for the Iona Community. (See: wildgoose) I knew I needed to find some intentional spaces for retreat and reflection as part of my sabbatical and particularly near the beginning to enter into the richness of this space. It was a final suggestion from one of my supervision sessions that prompted me to enquire and book.
The three days I spent at the hermitage were a real blessing. Being me I knew that I needed something to help me focus; so as well as my cross and candle, I asked Chris to meet with me each day for some spiritual accompaniment. I also joined in Iona morning prayers alongside John and Chris reconnecting me powerfully with the Iona community of which they are members and I am a 'poor associate'.
Much of what I gained from my time is fruit that I know will slowly grow and some is personal reflection that isn't for this place. I will reflect for a few moment on some of my experince. For me being 'on my own' made me reconnect with 'me', who am I? What really makes me tick, who has God created me to be? What is uniquely 'James' and what are parts of my character that are being neglected or maybe (as I realised was the case) were being given too much of an emphasis. I recognise as I write this that there is also something of what Richard Rohr calls 'The second half of life' not a mid life crisis but certainly a mid life refocussing.
In 'Falling Upward' (SPCK 2011) Rohr quotes Carl Jung:
My time of retreat at the hermitage gave space to reflect on what I need for my now, and for the future, what patterns and tools of prayer have been helpful but might need changing, what might I need for this new stage I am entering?
As with many times of retreat I found great revelation and had to open up to some of the fear that was within me and the separation I sometimes might have between what I know in head, heart or gut. Where do I truly believe things, what do I hold onto or away from within me?...
The thing that was a bit of a light bulb moment was when Chris asked if I knew anything of the enneagramme, its something I've engaged with a little bit in the past and like Myers Briggs can be a tool for greater understanding of self and how we engages with others. (Don't worry I won't blather on about it and I know both are fallible tools but I've also found truth revealed through them). My revelation came when I spent some time reading about the different types and seeing what was said about the different types at their best and...at their worst! It helped me to recognise some of the unhelpful patterns and actions I can get drawn to, or that can weigh me down. At times of stress (and I'd include ill health) some of the unhelpful characteristics might come more to the fore. As I read about the types on that second evening it felt as though I was coming back to myself, able once more to embrace the 'me', the uniqueness of who I am and who I am called to be. Words from one of my favorite psalms; that I know, in my head, to be true, I was able to own in a fresh way, in my heart and in my gut!
Psalm 139:14 (NIVUK)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
The next morning I woke and had a sense of peace and joy that I'd not experienced for some time. I've felt moments of happiness during my time living with depression but this 'joy' felt new, a real gift, a real blessing!
A bumped into a neighbour this morning, he asked 'Are you enjoying your sabbatical?' 'Oh yes the space is brilliant' I replied 'but I also feel I need to do some more things' He replied that as an academic just having space for creative thought was really important and he was glad I was being given the opportunity of a sabbatical. That quick conversation reminded me of the gift of this space 'for creative thought' and for so much more, for that I'm so greatful.
Choosing to go to Reflections Garden Hermitage was something I 'stumbled to' in many ways, I knew of it and had been on a quiet day led by Chris Pohill at some point in the past, I knew of the gardens Chris and John had created and Chris' writing for the Iona Community. (See: wildgoose) I knew I needed to find some intentional spaces for retreat and reflection as part of my sabbatical and particularly near the beginning to enter into the richness of this space. It was a final suggestion from one of my supervision sessions that prompted me to enquire and book.
The three days I spent at the hermitage were a real blessing. Being me I knew that I needed something to help me focus; so as well as my cross and candle, I asked Chris to meet with me each day for some spiritual accompaniment. I also joined in Iona morning prayers alongside John and Chris reconnecting me powerfully with the Iona community of which they are members and I am a 'poor associate'.
Much of what I gained from my time is fruit that I know will slowly grow and some is personal reflection that isn't for this place. I will reflect for a few moment on some of my experince. For me being 'on my own' made me reconnect with 'me', who am I? What really makes me tick, who has God created me to be? What is uniquely 'James' and what are parts of my character that are being neglected or maybe (as I realised was the case) were being given too much of an emphasis. I recognise as I write this that there is also something of what Richard Rohr calls 'The second half of life' not a mid life crisis but certainly a mid life refocussing.
In 'Falling Upward' (SPCK 2011) Rohr quotes Carl Jung:
'One cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what was great in the morning will be of little importance in the evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie'
Carl Jung, The Structure and dynamics of the psyche
My time of retreat at the hermitage gave space to reflect on what I need for my now, and for the future, what patterns and tools of prayer have been helpful but might need changing, what might I need for this new stage I am entering?
As with many times of retreat I found great revelation and had to open up to some of the fear that was within me and the separation I sometimes might have between what I know in head, heart or gut. Where do I truly believe things, what do I hold onto or away from within me?...
The thing that was a bit of a light bulb moment was when Chris asked if I knew anything of the enneagramme, its something I've engaged with a little bit in the past and like Myers Briggs can be a tool for greater understanding of self and how we engages with others. (Don't worry I won't blather on about it and I know both are fallible tools but I've also found truth revealed through them). My revelation came when I spent some time reading about the different types and seeing what was said about the different types at their best and...at their worst! It helped me to recognise some of the unhelpful patterns and actions I can get drawn to, or that can weigh me down. At times of stress (and I'd include ill health) some of the unhelpful characteristics might come more to the fore. As I read about the types on that second evening it felt as though I was coming back to myself, able once more to embrace the 'me', the uniqueness of who I am and who I am called to be. Words from one of my favorite psalms; that I know, in my head, to be true, I was able to own in a fresh way, in my heart and in my gut!Psalm 139:14 (NIVUK)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
The next morning I woke and had a sense of peace and joy that I'd not experienced for some time. I've felt moments of happiness during my time living with depression but this 'joy' felt new, a real gift, a real blessing!
A bumped into a neighbour this morning, he asked 'Are you enjoying your sabbatical?' 'Oh yes the space is brilliant' I replied 'but I also feel I need to do some more things' He replied that as an academic just having space for creative thought was really important and he was glad I was being given the opportunity of a sabbatical. That quick conversation reminded me of the gift of this space 'for creative thought' and for so much more, for that I'm so greatful.
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